


Kirkwall Love Shack

by DovaBunny



Series: FicTober Ficlets [2]
Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Adult Content, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Gen, Hawke is pure and blind to his friends' antics, M/M, Oblivious Hawke, reference to sex toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-24 01:15:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16170611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DovaBunny/pseuds/DovaBunny
Summary: Hawke knew all his friends worked at Kirkwall Love Shack together, the shop across the road from Amell's Pizza. He just never knew 'exactly' what they did.Or: The one where Hawke finds out his friends have been working in an adult shop all this time.





	Kirkwall Love Shack

**Author's Note:**

> Fictober Prompt: “People like you have no imagination.”  
> DA Inktober prompt: Hawke

“Bela?” Hawke meekly asked as he walked back into the shop all his friends, except him, worked: the Kirkwall Love Shack. He ran Amell’s Pizzas with his mom across the road.

“Yes, sweet thing?”

“I broke your keyring, I’m so sorry!”

Everyone in the shop did an almost comedic freeze and turned to look at him. Varric’s jaw hung open, Fenris looked stunned, Anders looked worried, Merrill looked surprised, and Sebastian looked impressed. At least it was after hours and there were no customers. 

After a dead silence long enough for him to stark squirming, Hawke cleared his throat and shifted on his feet. This seemed to break them out of  it. 

“Hawke, honeybear…” Isabela said cautiously. “How exactly did you break the keyring?”

He pulled out the key and the strange rubber thing that was attached to it. “It was too heavy and the metal of the ring tore through the rubber when I unlocked the bathroom door.”

There was a collective sigh in the room, some faces looking relieved, others disappointed. Hawke raised an eyebrow, still feeling lost and uncomfortable. “Am I… missing something here?”

Varric walked past him, a crate full of magazines under the one arm, and gave him a friendly slap him the shoulder. “We were just a little worried about you there for a moment, Hawke,” the Dwarf chuckled, shaking his head. 

Behind the till counter Fenris leaned forward on his arms, managing to look both bored and intrigued. “For a moment there I thought Anders may actually be of use for once,” he smirked as Isabela who sat perched on the counter next to him snickered. 

“Not of use, Fen? That’s not what you said last night,” Anders replied with a scowl from his corner of the shop. Hawke never could figure out the dynamics of their relationship. “And I resent that! Safety is no laughing matter. But sure, it’s always ‘ _ oh lets laugh at Anders and his posters _ ’ till somebody actually ‘ _ breaks a keyring’ _ then it’s Anders to the rescue.” The blond gave Sebastian a meaningful look at that last end, and the former brother turned to suddenly look very occupied with his shelves. 

“Wait,” Merrill chirped, “Sebastian - did you break a keyring too? I thought we were talking about something dirty.”

Fenris snorted. “Witch, we work in a sex shop. Everything we talk about is dirty.”

“...you what? Do you and Merrill have second jobs? No, there’s no need for you to work in such a place!” Hawke said, trying to hide his concern for his friends. He knew being elves in Kirkwall was difficult, but still. “Guys, if you needed the extra cash, you know mother and I would be happy to let you take some shifts at the restaurant?”

The room went back to silence, but now the looks were more incredulous narrow-eyed glares than shock. Anders was the one to speak up, “Hawke… what exactly is it you think we all do here?”

“Well,” Hawke shuffled his feet. “You all share the shop, but each of you have like your own ‘section’?” after some nods he continued. “Aveline does the books,” another nod had him feeling confident. “Then Fenris does the till, and Bela - you just showed up one day and demanded a cheque at the end of the month from Varric, so I’m not sure what you do but I think you work with the customers?”

“So far so good, love,” Bela purred, biting her bottom lip as if to keep from laughing. “Do go on.”

Hawke puffed out his chest and turned to the rest of them. “Varric handles books, magazines, and tapes, and he has that viewing room in the back for movies. With the local Blockbuster and the bookstore around the corner closing he’s ever the entrepreneur and took over those markets.”

Varric casually pulled a pen and piece of paper out of somewhere and took notes. 

“Then Sebastian has like a hardware section, chains, bolts, straps, clamps, and ...various black leather stuff. Merrill deals with natural and Dalish remedies and trinkets, and teaches yoga or something. And Anders… I’m not sure but he always goes to those women’s and pride marches, he has that late night radio program where people can call in with questions, and he deals with, like, lotions and medicine? He also goes to schools and colleges to talk to kids about...something.”

It was at this point that Hawke realised that everyone was trying very hard not to laugh, with varying degrees of success. Fenris had his face hidden in his folded arms, Varric was snickering behind a magazine, Sebastian was biting his fist, and Merrill’s shoulders were shaking but a hand covered her mouth. Only Anders was the one to start laughing out loud, “Garrett? You can’t be serious? Someone check the calendar, is it April first?”

At Hawke’s confused expression laughter erupted further in the room. “Did I...get it wrong?”

“Oh sugar butt,” Isabela wheezed as she tried to keep tears from smudging her makeup. “People like you have no imagination.”

It was Varric who finally came to his rescue. He put down his crate of magazines and stood on it to be level with Hawke. Wrapping an arm around his shoulder he pulled the taller man close. “Allow uncle Varric to educate you. This is the Kirkwall Love Shack. It’s an adult store. Me? I do the porn - DVDs, magazines, illustrated comics, and that room in the back is a viewing room - for porn. Rivaini deals with general queries and our vanilla merchandise, dildos, vibraters, fleshlights, various penis-shaped stuff for bachelorettes, sweets and treats, blow-up dolls, and perfumes. Choir boy deals with the BDSM merch, you know, whips and chains and all that.”

Varric turned a disturbed Hawke to the other  side of the room. “Here we have Daisy, she handles all our natural and Dalish preferences, elfroot oils, pleasure crystals, some teas that are stronger than viagra, and teaches tantric yoga. And lastly, our sexual health advocate, Anders. He does the lubes, condoms, vitamins, and - as he still has his medical license - also prescribes birth control. His late night radio program is on sexual health and has people call in to ask any question regarding sex. He also teaches sex ed at local schools and colleges, and the entire boot of his car is at all times filled to capacity with pamphlets on various sexual preferences, orientations, positions, and how to do it all safely.”

“...and Fenris?” that may or may not have been an terrified quiver in his voice. 

“Fenris just works the till.” Varric responds as Fenris gave him a smirk and raised eyebrow. “He knows exactly what kinks everyone in Kirkwall has, and probably how many dildos they own and their sizes.”

“An accurate assumption.”

“I-, bu-, ho-” Hawke took a few slow breaths, breathing through the little existential crisis where he questioned everything he knew. He opened his eyes after a few moments, not having realised he closed them. 

“So?” Isabela prompted.

“So,” Hawke sighed. “I actually came over because I promised Bethy and Carver to find them summer jobs when they come home for college break. Said I’ll check with you guys if Love Shack has any openings.” A snicker in the room and Hawke finally lights up like a cherry, his blush heating his cheeks and ears. “I’ll...just give them some of my shifts at the restaurant.”

 


End file.
